Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Crime & Punishment sponsored by WTF?

Smash someone round the legs with a metal bar... Off you trot - you're one of us. Nudge nudge wink wink

Sell some eggs That's a £1000 fine, criminal record and your DNA please...


What the fuck is going on. I want my money back...

Broken Arrow

There is a dramatic moment in the movie 'We were soldiers' Mel Gibson (playing the role of Colonel Hal Moore) is fighting the North Vietnamese Army in the Ia Drang Valley in Vietnam.

His radio-operator informs him they are being overrun and the situation is desperate. Moore walks away from his rad-op and takes a moment to survey the scene around him.

He is faced with a nightmare vision. Soldiers are locked in desperate hand-to-hand combat, bullets are screaming in from everywhere and the battlefield is littered with with wounded and dying GI's.

Moore then says 'Broken Arrow' A command stating an American unit has been overrun - thus ensuring all available all support heads to their location.

Moore calls in air-strikes and napalm whilst calmly engaging the enemy with smallarms. Despite sustaining heavy casualties the American troops are victorious.

It would appear there are some Tory supporters who fear a broken arrow moment is upon them. They may be right...

However, unlike Colonel Moore - these supporters are showing signs of panic. And they are airing those signs in the public domain. They would perhaps be better advised to contain their growing fear and instead of fretting about the negative comments, blogs and polls that are critical of their Party and its leader they should look to winning the fight.

As the Duke of Wellington once said 'Hard pounding, gentlemen. Let's see who pounds the longest.'

Napalm Sticks To Kids

Guilty - Take Him Down

The BBC are reporting that Peter Blake has been found guilty in the first crown court criminal trial to be held without a jury for more than 350 years.

Urm... Why bother reporting this? It's fairly obvious he was going to be found Guilty. That was the whole point of 'Trial Without Jury' wasn't it?

It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing this little trial took place and that we no longer need to rely on our peers to weigh up the evidence against us.

Actually, that's not true. It sends a very cold chill up my spine.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

The Labour Voter's Colours

I just had a read of Norman Tebbits blog over at the Telegraph.

Now I'm unsure if it is a ranting troll or some such other tedious creature, but I spotted this in the comments from a user called Labour_Future

New Labour is on course to win the election – either outright or with the help of the Lib Dems. And one of the best things about polling day will be rubbing the Labour victory in the faces of the Right.
The look on your ugly, hateful faces as you come to terms with the fact that britain has changed – that we live in a multicultural, diverse, cosmpolitan, caring, socialist society and it’s going to stay that way.
The look on your ugly, hateful faces as you come to terms with the fact that no Right-wing Party will ever hold power in britain again.
The look on your ugly, hateful faces as you watch Gordon Brown wave triumphantly from the Downing Street steps before getting on with the job of transforming britain, helping hard-working families, and ushering in a new decade of confident, consensual, scientific socialism that builds a future fair for all.
History is on our side. Each election victory brings closer our dream of a World without borders, without hunger, greed, inequality and oppression.

I was actually quite shocked. Not at the smugness or shameless bile and hatred with which this commentator views the right. But at their naievity in believing those who oppose NuLabour can be silenced so easily.

My face is perhaps ugly, but seldom hateful. But I must admit I struggle to contain my anger toward the loony-left and their marxist dreams.

Labour_Future claims rather bizarrely that 'History is on their side' a curious turn of phrase to be sure. For if history has taught us anything - it is that oppressed people will rise up. And it is plain to see from this rather unpleasant post the left wish to crush Democracy in their quest for a totallitarian state and oppression is part of the deal.

Britain has indeed changed. Cultural fault lines are spreading and religous intolerance is simmering close to boiling point. 

It is extremely dangerous to attempt to completely eradicate a political view - as Labour_Future seems to delight in attempting. The seeds of civil war are sown by such actions.

Old Holborns Enemy

Our very own blogger OH is going to wage war against the State in Cambridge...

In a rare moment of open and honest sincerity - The Labour candidate for Cambridge, Daniel Zeichne, was caught on camera championing the party line

Oh dear Daniel... Don't you feel like a twat. Full story here

Quote Of The Day

Ed West in today's Telegraph.

"The argument against prison is that they’re supposed to be “universities of crime” – the problem is that, without prisons, Britain’s towns simply become open universities of crime instead."

Old Holborn Vs The State

Old Holborn... A blogger taking the fight to the enemy.

Monday, 29 March 2010

An Inconvenient Truth

British troops are dying. That is a fact. There is seldom a week goes by without a young troop being killed by an IED in Afghanistan.

British troops do not patrol alone. For every soldier killed scores more are wounded. It is easy to imagine a wounded soldier. He is propped up on a crutch, smoking a gasper and smiling at a young attractive nurse. It's an image easy to conjure up. It allows us to focus our grief toward the dead soldiers family. It is however a fallacy.

When an IED detonates it tears limbs away from the bodies of those near by. Those too close are so badly hurt they die. Despite their best efforts the Army's medics cannot save everyone. But our medics are good. They work desperately hard to save the lives of those - who despite appaling injury - have a chance to live.

The wounded soldier is often blind, limbless, burnt or beyond recognition. He wont often make the news unless the Main Stream find a human element. But his friends and colleagues will move heaven and earth so that he might breathe one more lungful of air.

This Government has commited our troops to two wars. The wounded are not high on their list of priorities for re-election. We have but one Military Hospital to look after our wounded.

I would urge you to ask those who will soon be knocking on your door for a vote, what their party intends to do for our wounded. For those in power our wounded are inconvenient - but we owe our wounded more than we can ever hope to repay... ...and that's the truth

What Is Wrong With Britain

Uber Left Labour luvvys the BBC have a litte piece on their website today asking what's wrong with Britain and how do we fix it.

Paul Mason waffles on about blah blah blah... I've shortened it for you.

What's Wrong With Britain

The Misguided Jarhead

Ukwebspider had a link that caught my attention this morning

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Ingenuity Vs The State

Two stories caught my eye this week and made me smile.They are both quintessentially British.

Robert Harrison a space enthusiast rigged up a camera to a balloon and managed to take some quite stunning pictures that clearly show the curvature of the earth and the thin blue line of atmosphere that keeps us alive. He did it all on a budget of £500 - Outstanding!

Earth Shot Taken By Robert Harrison

Another eccentric Brit Colin Furze has equipped his scooter with a flame thrower! Colin was fed up with other road users cutting him up, so he used a bit of ingenuity and made a bike James Bond would be proud to ride. Good drills!

Step Aside 007 You Have Competition

Two British chaps using ingenuity and a spoonful of eccentrics show the world what can be achieved with a little bit of dedication and some elbow grease.

It comes as little surprise this just will not do in Browns Britain and Colin Furze has been arrested the lazy fucking gestapo eagle eyed police spotted pictures of Colin riding his new toy and promptly arrested him for (wait for it...) suspicion of possessing an object converted into a firearm. Right Oh.


I'm sure Robert Harrison's ballooncam also breaks at least one of the 50 billion new laws NuLabour have created. So I imagine it'll not be long before his collar is felt too.

So there you have it. A little bit of fun is enough to get you nicked in Browns Britain - unless of course you are one of the Stormtroopers... In which case you can unload a clip into an electricians face with zero consequences. How did it get to this? Answers on a postcard please...

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Why Cameron Is Losing

It's simple. Pop down to Dover Dave and stand on the cliffs. Grab yourself a good old set of Binos (I recommend 20 x 70's)

Aim them due South and the eyepiece will reveal part of the cause of your woes. There floating in front of you is Europe.

You lied to us about giving us a choice about the EU my Pedigree Chum. So you can fuck off if you think you're getting my vote (which you've had in every Election since 1989)

I don't like NuLabour and I don't like their Marxism. But I fucking hate you because your spineless. I just watched the news come in of yet another lad killed in the Afghan. On his last fucking patrol. It's men like him I respect. Not you troughing wankers at Westminster.

I'm not going vote for anyone. There I've said. You're all wankers.

My Part In Browns Downfall

I have been playing about with video editing software today. Thought I'd knock something up to support Old Holborn and take the piss out of Brown.

Enjoy... Changed it to a link as the embedding is all to cock

Click here


Dear British Airways Staff

If you work for British Airways and have been on strike this week, next time you see a soldier who's returned from Afghanistan make sure you tell him/her about your awful working conditions, poor uniform and low pay! Let me know how you get on...

Friday, 26 March 2010

Friday Funny

Epic Fail for this French rocket launcher crew! Bwa ha ha ha ha

Twitter Ye Not

I am on now on Twitter... @coldsteelrain


Germans Are From Earth

I've just met a card carrying supporter of the Labour Party. It came as a bit of a shock actually as I expected him to be a dribbling window licker. But he isn't. He's astute, articulate and most suprising of all, he has a lot of common sense.

We had a bit of a ding-dong. I was venting my spleen regarding NuLabours war against smokers and well just about everything freedom should be really.

My Labour supporting chum guffawed his way through my rant. He then said something I found strange after I stated Brown and Co were not much different from the Nazi's.

'Don't be so ridiculous' he said 'Comparing Labour to the Nazi's is offensive and laughable, they are nothing of the sort'

It made me open my eyes to what is occuring. The German people in the 1930's were born on the same Planet as my Grandparents. The Earth. They weren't dragged in from the Planet Facist on the back of a Socialist Comet.

What I'm trying to say is this. Gordon Brown is a tyrant in the making. His party (many of them former members of the communist party) are every bit as evil as the Nazis who caused so much suffering in the last century.

They have a plan and it is being rolled out with a relentless onslaught against our freedoms. I don't need to posess a tin-foil hat to know Al-Qaeda is a convenient bogeyman who is used to empower the state. I grew up during the troubles in Ulster. Mainland bombing was a common occurence but we cracked on.

NuLabour have used the threat of Islamic extremism to crush any and all dissenting voices against their regime. Don't believe me? Try and protest in front of Parliament or simply attempt to read the names of the dead out at the Cenotaph.

They banned smoking to see if they could strip away a freedom many many people enjoyed without protest. Meekly the majority submitted. NuLabour wax lyrical about Democracy and how it is worth sending our boys off to die so that other nations might taste it. Yet upwards of 2 Million people marched against their proposed war in Iraq (I was one of them) We were treated with contempt and ignored.

I suspect NuLabour will be victorious in the coming election and we will march into a Police State that I believe will get so much worse than it is now. Thinking this is conspiracist babble and that I should get out more is perhaps what some folk will think.

But I know this. Brown lied to the inquiry about Iraq. A war which has claimed hundreds of thousands of lives was used by one of its architects as an opportunity to lie and spin. If you think for one moment a man capable of using that much blood to wash his hands with isn't capable of the same as Hitler and Stalin.... We truly are doomed.

A Kingsize Surprise

The war against smokers is being pursued with vigour. Rather than curb their addiction to public spending NuLabour would much rather target the smokers.

What this will of course will result in is more smuggled smokes. But fear ye not oh destroyers of Britain. NuLabour have a plan for that too

Under the guise of stopping boot-leg baccy they are now going to intercept and open your mail. So make sure any letters you receive are on target folks. If and when NuLabour return for another five years I think it won't be long before they redesign the tired NuLabour Logo... ...What will they pick I wonder?

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Good Drills Charlie

Prince Charles has just visited the troops on the front line in Afghanistan. Whilst there he managed to pose for an ally picture alongside a Tom and a Jimpy whilst wearing body-armour, dezzy combats and a battle-bowler.

Ally As Fuck

Compare this to Dear Leader. Gut hanging out - shiny cufflinks and looking every inch the complete fucking mong we all know him to be. What a tragedy someone didn't put a 7.62 into his good eye - the twat...

Useless As Fuck

Army Slang translated here :

Ally - Rather fetching old boy
Tom - British Soldier
Jimpy - General Purpose Machine Gun
Battle-Bowler - Helmet
7.62 - Big fucking bullet

Bra Wars

Holy exploding tittys Batman! It seems those dastardly terrorists will stop at nothing to blow themselves (and us) up. Breast-implants packed with explosives could be used by terrorists to blow up an airliner, experts have reportedly warned, the Telegraph tells us.

Just 5 ounces of Pentaerythritol would be enough to blow a “considerable” hole in the side of a jumbo jet.

Meaning Katie Price could wreck havoc on the scale of Hiroshima.

Army Robot investigating suspect device

It Aint Rocket Science

When Gordon Brown arrived at the Treasury he inherited a deficit of £6 billion; it is now £167 billion.

The UK was the seventh most competitive economy in the world; it is now 13th.

It was the fourth most competitively taxed; it is now the 84th.

It was the fourth most lightly regulated; it is now the 86th.

Nuff said methinks...

A Labour Voter Ponders His Existence

A Gift For Labour Voters

It would appear there are a significant number of people out there who intend voting Labour

If you're one of those who intends to put a little cross next to a Labour MP on your ballot - well... ...I thought I'd give you a little gift.

Simply print off the image below and piss on it. Because it's what you'll be doing in that little secret chamber if you give the bastards five more years.

Five more years? These boys deserve better than that.

You Can Run But You'll Just Die Tired

Another day another problem for NuLabour.

The Telegraph, using the Freedom Of Information Act, have forced Brown to explain his reasons for selling of our Gold reserves when they were worth the square root of fuck all.

Brown has wriggled and squirmed about this for years. The last few days of the NuLabour Reich are proving very entertaining indeed.

I suspect much like Hitler, Brown is divorced from reality inside Bunker number 10 and is ordering non existent armies onto the election battlefields.

I suggest you do the decent thing Gordon. Grab yourself a Mess Revolver and excuse yourself from the table...

C'mon Gordon. There's still time to get one thing right.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

I Feel A Bit Tom Dick

Just read something I rather wish I hadn't.

CSR has been all over this little rock we call home and has seen some truly awful things. However... The thought of Brown and Mandelson rutting... Oh dear God. Please take that hideous image from my mind.

Body Scanner Perving

They are for your safety! So the Government told us when they introduced the Airport body scanners. This has of course, much like everything else NuLabour get their grubby paws on, turned out to be complete and utter bollocks.

A Heathrow Security Guard has had his collar felt after perving at a female colleagues tits.

So there we have it. Want to go on holiday abroad (providing you can get a flight in the first place of course - NuLabour NuStrikes you see) then get ready to be sniggered at, perved over and generally humiliated by some Goon in Security.

Oh and it wont stop a single act of 'Terror' The bombers will simply shove the TNT up their arse.

Labour Bans Itself Exclusive

In a shocking move NuLabour have banned themselves

David Cameron was quick to applaud NuLabours banning of Clusterfucks. 'Let's face it' the Tory leader said 'Brown is the biggest Clusterfuck since forever. He couldn't find the fucking brewery, let alone organise anything in it'

Nick Clegg leader of the party most likely to appeal to buyers of Werthers Originals said 'Fuck me - I'm having some of this Clusterfuck bandwagon' and he promptly jumped aboard.

MP Stephen Byers said 'My Dad was a stuntman in the film Jaws and I know all the members of Pink Floyd. That's 10 grand please'

***************** UPDATE *****************

Early reports of NuLabour banning Clusterfucks were incorrect. They have in fact banned Clusterbombs.

PM Gordon Brown said 'We think banning really effective weapons during a time of war is the way forward'

An MOD Spokesman was quoted as saying 'Don't bother asking me fuck all, I studied Drama at University mate'

Meanwhile a Taliban spokesman said 'Stop it please you're killing me. Oh my aching sides. Please stop, it's just too funny'

Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth inspects the last
Cluster Bomb to be dropped in the Helmand Province

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Gorillaz In The (Blue) Mist

Oh dear. It seems Gorillaz front man Damon Albarn has managed to upset the nazifunpolice anti-smoking lobby.

Damon had a crafty fag on stage at the Wedgewood Rooms in Portsmouth. He's a rockstar - it's sort of 'what they do' Back in the day when tellys were really heavy, some rockstars lobbed them out of hotel windows.

But Damon has incurred the Wrath of ASH and their spokeswoman Amanda Sandford. Amanda, rather chillingly, said the following

"There can be no excuse for that as it is an indoor place and the law is very clear. We are not allowed to smoke on stage unless it is relevant to the act. It is not just illegal but more importantly it is about the message it sends out to fans."

It's that last sentence about being on message that concerns me. The people who paid to watch Damon perform were at a Gig Amanda. They went their to listen to music, not to your politics or your message.

What would you like to really see Amanda? All artists pre-briefed by ASH and it's Stormtroopers before performing thus ensuring they 'stay on message'

Smoking itself isn't illegal Amanda, although we are all aware you and your facist cohorts wish it to be. I like to think Damon was bang on with his message - which I imagine is somewhere along the lines of 'bore off you tedious Nazi, get yourself a life and get fucking laid too you uptight miserable old cow'

Monday, 22 March 2010

Standby For The Civil Contingencies Act

Be Honest now. Would you put it past Brown to detonate a Nuke if it meant he clings to power? I'd avoid cities if you wish to avoid glowing in the dark...

Brown has wanted this job his entire life. Being shit at it wont stop him giving it up. I'd say we are at DEFCON 2.

A Good Day To Bury Bad News

The Army is going to lose up to 500 soldiers in a 'rebalance' through compulsory redundancies. The MoD said 300-500 troops would be affected by changes.

It's good to know that on yet another day when MP's are shown whoring themselves for profit, the MOD is still up for shafting our troops.

In Days Gone By

Disgraced people of honour fell upon these.... Over to you troughers.

Captions For A Monday

Whilst searching the web to find the necessary knowledge to build my lad a Lightsabre for his birthday (don't ask - I blame Uncle Marvo) I stumbled across this WTF? moment... Feel free to caption away!

The Empire took a turn for the worse when Lord Mandelson replaced Lord Vader

Doubleplus Good News

Comrade Brown has announced all citizens of NuBritain are to have a Government approved Dashboard.

Libertarians and free thinkers unbellyfeel MyGov. This is being dealt with - New Crimethink Quango imminent brothers and sisters. Comrade Brown insists ownlife can be eradicated by 2017.

Two Minutes hate will now be unpaid to fund much needed supplies in the doubleplus good War on terror. All public sector employees to have extended goodthink Dear Leader breaks.

That is all.

I Don't Like Mondays

I have to tip my backside out of bed at an ungodly hour and then spend my day earning more tax for the Government. Truth be told I'd rather be at home with my family. But what can you do? Have a read of the blogs that's what.

The Blogosphere is unsurprisingly awash with stories about 'Cash For Access' The latest sleazy story of corruption and greed to ooze out of the trough of Westminster, a place that once lit a beacon for Democracy across the world.

I found a better story. It's a love story actually - Now don't get me wrong. CSR is much happier watching Colonial Marines getting ripped to shreds in Space than some girly chick flick where posh muppet Hugh Grant is on screen bumbling his way into love.

However... This story really did make me smile. Rifleman Paul Jacobs was awarded the George Medal for his bravery after continuing to protect his colleagues when he was blinded by a Taliban bomb last year. He has fallen in love with and is marrying his Nurse, Louise Smith.

There are some snivelling, greedy disgusting pigs who right this very moment are lying and scheming in an attempt to save their skins, after they were caught in a sting exposing their filthy corruption and sleaze. Contrast their words and actions to those of Rifleman Jacobs.

Stephen Byers

Hoped standards watchdog John Lyon would find he had "complied with MPs' code of conduct" and "fully disclosed" his outside interests.

Mr Byers was secretly filmed saying he was a like a "cab for hire", but later said he had "exaggerated".

Rifleman Jacobs

"It's great, get blown up and pull your nurse. It's all good.

I truly hope Paul and Louise are blessed with a long and happy life together. I also truly hope Stephen Byers and his cohorts are put in front of a wall and shot.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Impact Craters

The Universe makes bigger Craters than any of our Guns..

Saturday, 20 March 2010

The SAS, Google and a Thick MP

Hereford MP Paul Keetch is a bit of a nob. It seems he's got himself into a fluster regarding Google Maps showing the home of the SAS in Hereford.

Mr Keetch said the following

"If you are a terrorist and you can get a detailed photo of a military installation for free online, that's bound to encourage you to think maybe I can break in there"
I don't know Paul Keetch MP but I do know this. If as Mr Keetch claims some 'terrorists' decide to 'break into' the home of the Special Air Service they would, quite simply, be the dimmest most stupid twats to have graced the face of the Planet Earth. Ever. Picture the scene if you can.

Tim the terrorist 'Hullo, I'm here to commit an act of terror upon you'

Soldier X - Click Bang - Click Bang 'Fuck off you dead idiot'

Yoo Hoo - Room Service

Me and Shepherds Pie

I don't like Shepherds Pie. I never have done

Friday, 19 March 2010

A Very Large Crisis

It's raining... again. This means yet another night of not looking out into the Solar System and instead into the bottom of a pint glass (I know, it's not all bad news right?)

I was hoping to image the Mare Crisium (the "Sea of Crises") tonight - but it aint gonna happen. So instead, you'll have to make do with a previous effort.

I like the Mare Crisium. I hope you do too. For the curious among you this Mare is, give-or-take similar in size to Ireland.

Sink Estate Scum

Or Britains finest... You be the judge.

Guardsman Callum Acton - Coldstream Guards

Picture courtesy of Soldier Magazine

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Ging Ganged By The Goolies

There are many shocking items in todays news but this one caught my eye.

It seems that pillar of all things British 'Harrods' has banned a group of Scouts from entering their hallowed halls because (those of a nervous disposition look away now) they were wearing... neckers and woggles. I find this story upsetting on many levels. So allow me to break it down.

The 1st Bordon Scout Group, from Hampshire, were in the capital to take part in an annual event. But as the group of about 10 explorer scouts and their leader went to visit the store they were refused entry.

One would imagine a group of bob-a-jobbers in modern Britain would be accompanied by a grown up. So surely this could be resolved without further drama. It turns out they were indeed led by said Adult. A certain Mr Kosinski
Mr Kosinski said: "To my horror they said we were going to have to take off our neckers and woggles.

"I said, 'definitely not', I'm a scout and it's part of my identity.

This is where my fuckingidiotometer started to twitch. I myself have been a thing in command of younger, less experienced folk that is feared across all civilised parts of the Globe. I have been an NCO. The NCO is a beast born out of the necessity of discipline. Along with a bushy mustache an NCO must posess that rarest of gifts among men. Common sense.

Mr K was charged with looking after a group of eager young folk. They are bound together by a history of selfless help in the community, a desire to better themselves and common sense. They will look for these qualities in their leaders.

Like Mr K I too have worn a uniform - The Queens Uniform. It's very fetching actually, I know this to be true because I see chaps wear parts of it on building sites across the land. I have fought in this uniform and sadly I  have also seen some of Britains finest die in it. It is not however a part of my identity.

My identity lies deep within. It is borne of my actions and what I achieve in life. It lies within my desire to do right and to challenge that which is wrong.

I don't know Mr K but I am of the opinion he is a bit of a git. He would perhaps have been wiser to have shown his scouts how to defuse a situation forced upon their group by a cretin.

He could have instructed his group to remove their woggles and neckers. As they toured the shop he could have explained that being a scout, much like being a soldier is much deeper than the uniform they wear and that in this life they will meet fools who blindly follow rules - much to the annoyance of their fellow men and that fools like this must be overcome with common sense and wit. He chose not too. 

In my book that makes him a bit of a throbber.

Chinese Whispers

A General visits his Troops in Afghanistan and on arriving screams out

'Air Raid Warning RED!' to test his mens skill.

He is shocked and annoyed as he looks through his binoculars and sees troops in the distance jumping up and down and hugging each other instead of taking cover.

He drives over and demands to know 'What the hell is going on here'

A smiling soldier looks up at him and says 'Haven't you heard sir, Blair and Brown are dead'

On hearing the false stories Brown had croaked British
Troops were distraught and heart-broken...

Economic Solutions - Kim Style

A serial fruitcake and deluded megalomaniac who's country is in a state of ruin because he's a complete tool (no not him!) has executed the director of his Planning and Finance Department for a disasterous currency reform.

Kim Jong-il has planted the blame squarely on the shoulders of a scape-goat Mr Pak Nam-gi and had him shot.

Just for one delicious minute think not of poor Mr Nam-gi's fate... Instead imagine putting Mr Brown up against the wall for the wrecking of our currency with his socialist reforms (this would also be an economic bonus, as we would only need to buy a pirates eye patch from ebay and not a complete blindfold when we shot him)

Common Sense Vs The Righteous

Just read this post over at Ambush Predators place. It reminded old CSR of a time when he himself bumped into a righteous one.

I met my righteous one in a hot and sandy place many years ago. He was a Captain in the Int Corp who'd popped up from the rear to 'have a peek' at the Battlefield.

One of our (highly stressed) Toms was searching a body, when he found some ciggys. 'Don't wanna smoke these mate' he said pulling the packet of smokes out of the the bullet riddled dead chaps pocket 'They're bad for your health'

It was a moment of gallows humour, intended I believe to help the very frightened teenagers around me to cope with the insanity we were in. I knew in an instant it was in no way meant to humiliate or degrade the dead soldier, nor was it a sign of psychosis from the lad tasked with the shit job of searching his corpse. It was a coping mechanism. Our brains become very astute at looking after us in times of high stress.

I laughed like a drain as did the others around me but Captain Righteous... ...Oh no he became outraged - 'I shall have you charged' he said to the Tom. 'You're a disgrace'

I put a round up the spout of my rifle, pointed it at the Int Corp Officer and told him to fuck off at the quick time. Which he did. I got a bollocking later on in the day. My Troop Commander demanded to know why I hadn't shot the sanctimonious twat.

Common sense can on occasion appeal to the higher senses of the righteous - especially when backed up by a 7.62mm round

I spent a lot of time after the war reliving that day. I became wracked with guilt. But after many many periods of intense counselling I came to realise we were in fact in the right on that day. The righteous one was out of kilter not us.

My only regret today is having not pulled the trigger, because the world is a better place without people like him in it.

Stories like the one Ambush Predator has told me of annoy me, a lot.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

You've got to love the French. Air France members intend to 'Walk out in solidarity with their British brothers'

What a shame they weren't up for a bit of fighting solidarity back in the War. My ole Grandad and his pals had to do all the work!

It's often said Maggie broke the Unions backs. It would appear alas she merely gave them an epidural. Let's hope Dave - if he wins, finishes the buggers off for good.

Brown Admits To Lying To Chilcot Inquiry

Gordon Brown admits 'I was wrong on defence spending'

Brown bleats “I do accept that in one or two years, defence expenditure did not rise in real terms.”

Offcial figures from the Ministry of Defence show that, allowing for inflation, its budget fell in five years: 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2002 and 2007

This admission comes on the day news arrives of 2 more soldiers killed in action in Afghanistan.

Enough is enough. Fuck off Brown. Then when you get there fuck off again. You lying, snivelling utter bastard. Better men than you are dying right now and yet still you cling to power like a fucking leech.

You complete and utter O2 thief. You truly are a disgrace to our fucking species and any Labour voter who chooses to re-elect you is quite simply a fucking disgrace to our lads on the front.

I have not been this angry for a long fucking time. Roll on voting you out in May you cunt.

* Apologies to anyone offended by my colorful language - but this really has annoyed me.

A Childs Guide To Modern Britain

From the outstanding Daily Mash Pure class! Enjoy.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone,
When she got there the cupboard was bare because she had spent 13 years creating public sector non-jobs for people with worthless degrees. So the poor little doggie shat in her bed.

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house that he bought with a secret loan from a millionaire chum that he didn't declare to his mortgage lender because he's a sleazy prick who thinks he's better than you.

Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he; He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl but he only got his bowl because some bullshit statistics showed that if he smoked his pipe then at least two of his fiddlers would die of cancer.

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives,
They were all sitting on the platform at Bristol Temple Meads and had been there for about three hours because the rail system in this country is a pile of fucking shit.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Did not have enough helicopters to put Humpty together again and anyway it's a waste of time because it is a vicious tribal dispute that will continue long after we have been forced to withdraw.

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
And this little piggy flipped his London flat and his constituency home eight times and used your money to pay for a new conservatory, a massive telly and a vibrating chair and then tried to stop you finding out about it,
All the way home.

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
By the way, the chief medical officer says that amount of treacle is really bad for you and that excessive treacle eating is costing this country £14bn a day in lost productivity and exploding children.

Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, but it will cost you £1.20 a bag because of the government's latest hike in wool duty and the fact that sterling is now worth less than the Albanian Lek.

Doctor Foster
Went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain.
He would have stepped in a puddle
Right up to his middle
But luckily he was a GP so was driving one of his Range Rovers to the golf course while his receptionist referred all his patients to the local chemist.

One, two buckle my shoe
Three, four, knock at the door
Five, seven is it? I'm sorry, I went to a state school that felt that arithmetic was not as important as teaching me about lesbians and socialism.

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
But the police and fire brigade won't be able to do anything in case they breach the latest health and safety directive from the Department of Fucking Arseholes.

Six Minutes Well Spent

I'm well aware that studying the Universe and Astronomy are not everyones cup of tea and I can often be found in the kitchens of various parties, boring folk with tales of the birth of our Solar System and what the Sun is made of.

But induldge me for six minutes with this film. It really is quite fascinating. No politics. No spin. No right or wrong. Just us and the Universe we live in.

NuLabour NuCrime

NuLabours controversial Digital Economy Bill was approved last night.

As always with NuLabour they wont be content with this NuLaw. In time it will grow. It will push it's tentacles across the web and in time no doubt infest the blogosphere.

The MSM have been left floundering in the 21st Century - Bloggers are taking the fight to whatever enemy is unleashed. NuLabours obsession with control cannot accept this.

The true enemy of NuLabour are the people and those that speak for them must and will be silenced.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Use The Farce Luke

Oh how I love it when a completely stupid thing runs into another stupid thing thus fracturing the stupidity fault line and exploding into a fountain of gory stupidity for all to see.

A Jedi believer won an apology from a Jobcentre which threw him out for refusing to remove his hood.

I'd like to buy Chris 'Jedi' Jarvis a beer. We could then wander into the beer garden (as I like to smoke) and laugh ourselves silly that in NuLabours Britain, some twat who thinks he's a Jedi will get a written apology off some Government twat who has had a common-sense bypass and failed to 'respect' his belief.

I laugh at this story because crying is for girls (apologies to Harriet 'Sieg Heil' Harman and her Equality Stormtroopers for that blatant sexism)

Size Does Matter

I've not blogged a lot recently. Have been busying myself with Astronomy bits and bobs - Saturn is very close to being in a position to photograph so forgive me.

My various research led me to find this quite excellent picture posted below (created by Dave Jarvis) It certainly puts the ego's of certain politicians and so called 'Stars' into perspective.

We really are a lot smaller than it is possible to imagine!

Monday, 15 March 2010

Truly Frightening

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.


Sunday, 14 March 2010

170 Reasons To Not Vote Labour

1 reason for every pound I spent yesterday equipping my Nephew for his tour to Afg

Friday, 12 March 2010

How To Spot A Terrorist

Teachers in Cornwall are going to be offered guidance on spotting terrorists.

Al-Qadea have had the Cornish in their sights for some time. The extremist group who despise the West for failing to put a U after the Q in their name, are intent on getting the youth of Cornwall to swap their Pasties for Kalashnikov's

Teachers will be trained to spot the tell-tale signs of extremism as they chat with the kids. A list of questions have been drawn up with the possible answers kids leaning to extremism might give.

Q - Can oi have a ride on that there tractor
A - Die imperialst infidel scum

Q - Would ee like a tasty pastie
A - Death to all who insult Islam

David Hampshire, the county's religious education adviser, said 'Quite frankly I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about. But Tesco's are offering 2 for the price of 1 on Ginsters at the moment'

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Grief Whores

I think it all started when Princess Di was killed. I was working in London at the time and was more than a little shocked to see the British stiff upper lip transcend into a wobbling shadow of its former self.

I stood and watched as little islands of grief burst into tears all around me, aghast that 'The Peoples Princess' was no more.

I felt a little sad when she dies I must be honest. As a teenager I had a huge crush on Diana and my bedroom wall was filled with her pictures, but I never once felt the urge to weep at her passing. The reason being? I hadn't know her and so contented myself with the phrase 'that's a shame I quite liked her'

The current trend of grief whoring appears to focus upon Wooton Basset. As the unrelenting coffins carrying our dead troops pass through the market town more and more people are turning up to view them and grieve very publicly.

Perhaps it is a way of expressing an impotent rage against a Government that cares so very little for the men and women it sends off to fight and die. But I suspect it is more to do with the modern phenomenon of wearing ones heart on ones sleeve.

The public outpouring of grief does little to impress the troops who post on the Army Rumour Service and who fight in Afghanistan but must give comfort to the Taliban as they see in glorious high definition the effect of their IED's

The Enemy Within - Helping Our Troops

Prince Charles is getting behind Combat Stress as he hosts a reception for them today at St James Palace to mark the start of their appeal 'The Enemy Within'

Combat Stress helps Troops who are suffering mental trauma as a result of their service.

They really can make a difference to a soldier who is having a hard time coming to terms with what he has witnessed and carried out in the service of the Crown and I speak as someone who was helped by Combat Stress.

We've all just seen what the the power of the Blogoshpere can achieve with freeing of Nick Hogan, so it would be great if we can help spread the word about this appeal to help our fighting men and women.

Direct link to Combat Stress here.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

A Soldier Died Today

The World is a sadder place today. Bill Foxton A highly decorated ex-soldier shot himself dead in a Southampton park after losing his family’s life savings in what is alleged to be the world’s biggest fraud, his family have revealed.

Bill was in every sense of the word a Soldier

Picture Of The Day

A rare picture of a 'solar corona' - a plasma gas atmosphere around the sun where temperatures reach two million degrees - visible only during a total eclipse.

Taken by Professor Miloslav Druckmuller at the isolated Marshall Islands, near Papua New Guinea in the Pacific Ocean.

Monsters In Our Midst

Egads.. It seems we have savage beasts lurking in our land, awaiting their moment to pounce upon unsuspecting travellers before ripping them limb from limb and devouring their babies.

Council estates are said to be overrun with these creatures called 'Staffy's'

I myself live in a Council estate and managed (don't ask me how - it must be the military training) to corner one of Satans spawn.

Without a care for my own safety and thinking only about warning fellow bloggers of this hideous danger I was able to snap a picture of the beast they call 'The Staffy' Avert thine eyes if of a nervous disposition... For here she is.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

PC WaffleChops

Police officers have tackled a man who was seen strolling in north west London carrying a samurai sword.

Excellent. This is a fine example of what the Police should be doing, nicking nutters who quite obviously pose a threat to those around them.

However what's this all about?

Pc John Dunwell, of the Metropolitan Police, said: "Having risk-assessed the situation, I felt it was necessary to confront the man before he hurt himself, or someone else.

Oh puhlease... I risk-assessed the situation? Even when they are doing the right thing Plod can't help themselves from sounding like the Government drones they appear to be.

Quote Of The Week

Comrades, Tractor production is up again this month. There is only doubleplus good news from the frontline. Each soldier has his own Helitractor.

Comrade Brown

British soldier on The Army Rumour Service website in response to Government plans to blackout news from Afghanistan.

Tory Political Adviser Quits Over Smear Campaign

André Walker has resigned from his position as a Political Advisor in the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead after he was recorded on a train discussing plans to replace deputy council leader Cllr Alison Knight.

This story has been reported in The Bracknell News. You may recall the MP for Bracknell is one Andrew Mackay the former political advisor to David Cameron and the first scalp claimed in the Expenses Scandal.

The audio recording can be found here a full transcript of the conversation is posted below.

Shes dead mate shes f****g dead. I told you Id inject poison into her and I did didnt I?

(Sounds like Bellini) and I have had a very honest conversation I said to him look I wouldnt stand with Phil because hes my best mate on the council please dont go against that and Bellini been very decent

But we have a choice with Bellini we either look a gift horse in the mouth ie dont select him or we find him somewhere

The problem is you and I and David dont have the power to force him on somewhere thats the problem

The problem is with Barton that Tom wants that seat cos (Bathhurst?) wants that and I know I know

And (Dee?) wants Bathhurst and the thing is in the same way in the same way as I wouldnt like somebody for obvious reasons telling you who your fellow ward councillor is equally he wants inaudible Bathurst is it fair to intervene with that

Anyway the most important thing about this conversation is she is on the way out

Well what you need to know is and keep it under your hat is Liam wants to nail (sounds like Reiss Agabana) he wants to ruin her

Well what I said to Liam me and x discussed about going with Nectar which we had and I said what Id always said with Phil was that we aint gonna die the death on recycle bag because all were interested in is incentivised recycling were not bothered about which company provides it and I said to Liam youve got to talk to Phil about this

Because hes furious about, you know the planning thing that happened yeh did you know about that. Right what happened was Camerons office came down and said look can we create a system whereby each local community does their own planning for them and Liam said yeh well well trial it now I thought it was a good idea to be honest where you take control of your local district and you do the planning and the council just signs it off.

Alison went bananas about it, yeh yeh yeh so Liam was furious, well she kyboshed it and of course what Liam had to do was go back to camerons office and tell them he failed now peter and x trusted x which incidentally means that were growing stronger. Well of course we are

She was our problem but now weve removed her. What? Oh f**k off dont be ridiculous. ?I suggest you go on the cabinet seriously

What she tried to play on was that youre a rough and ready guy and she tried to make you out to be a moron well of course but it doesnt matter. Shes dead. No-one likes her any more not even her friends like her any more

Well I. Well now what we need to do is, in may theres going to be a one to one where all the councillors are going to talk to the leader we need to put the word round amongst our friends that she should be removed as deputy leader. No-one likes her, total liability. total liability should come up in all the discussions. We could put that out

For deputy leader who cares its only 900 quid who cares
Well alright alright listen dont move yourself because as it stands you will be solid for years right, just give it to someone like Dudley or someone

Alright so the word goes out that Phils brilliant in his job but I think people love you anyway youre very popular.

I think the word goes out that Alison needs to be replace by Dudley for deputy but I tell you why its slightly risky because Dudleys not 100% controllable by us. Hes not 100% controllable. Dudley.

But you put yourself up for deputy leader you set yourself up for a fall its not worth it. As it stands everyone respects you we dont want to f**k about with that

But what needs to happen if we put Dudley in for deputy leader is he needs to know it was us. So I think what we need to do in the next couple of weeks is have a word with him and say look. Let me do that. We need to tell Dudley that we want him for deputy leader and were sorting it for him. But he needs to thank us for it in the fullness of time

Alright mate.

Conversation ends.

Monday, 8 March 2010

271 Silent Voices

Uncle Marvo made me aware of a post over at Constantly Furious' blog.

I've tried to think of some words to write that express how angry I am at NuLabours attempt to silence the Troops, but I can't.

I can however re-post this song that speaks for the 271 who no longer have a voice and are following Browns orders to stay silent.

It says exactly how I feel. Good luck with keeping the lads quiet Gordon.

Ignoring The Front

There is a very disturbing report in todays Telegraph it appears the MOD are going to ban reporting from Afghanistan once the election date is announced.

It would appear that Gordon Brown and his Labour comrades don't want our Troops deaths to stand in the way of their election campaign.

Perhaps right now MOD typists are furiously knocking up memo's to send to the front line informing the soldiers they are strictly forbidden to get killed/maimied/wounded as it's bad PR for NuLabour.

Truly sickening.


I saw a fallen soldier laid upon the desert floor
And wondered what had killed him in this nasty little war

Was he killed by voices that never once spoke out
Or maybe he was slain by lies, the rotten seed of doubt

Perhaps his life was cut short by a fool who wore a grin
Who was blinded by his arrogance and drunk on victory gin

Did he really give his life, or was it taken by a thief
Who did not care how many died, nor their parent’s grief

Thursday, 4 March 2010

The Cost Of New Labour

Honour The Covenant

The way in which we care for our wounded Service men and women – who have sacrificed so much for us – is a measure of the honour of our government and of our nation.

Colonel Richard Kemp has written an excellent article in todays Telegraph.

Col Kemp questions the decision regarding the Armed Forces Compensation Scheme only being available to those wounded after April 2005. It comes as no surprise to learn it is bureaucracy that is denying those troops wounded prior to that date from receiving the same payouts.

The current governments addiction to war has put massive pressure upon the Forces. Yet despite appalling budgets, lack of equipment and dire incompetence from the MOD and the Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth, our fighting men and women have stepped up to the plate like the consumate professionals they are.

It is simply not enough for the government to read out the names of the dead in parliament with hollow promises that they will never be forgotten. It is time they gave those they demand so much from the respect they deserve.

The latest British casualty Corporal Richard Green spoke with his parents before his death. His words portray the courage and dedication of our troops.

'If anything happens to me know that I've lived life to the full, have no regrets, and love my job'

Honour The Covenant - and do it now.

In Cod We Trust

Fish & Chips have played somewhat of a big part in my life. As a child holidaying on the South coast my Grandfather would stop off at the fish shop on his way home from a day ironically spent trying to catch fish and buy us giant portions. I would sit in awe as I listened to his tales of Shark wrestling and fighting the Germans in the War as I tucked into my Cod & Chips.

As a young Soldier in Germany my first port of call on coming home for leave would be to the chippy - I loved German food but missed my battered Cod.

Now on a Sunday Mrs CSR and I walk the dog and little CSR builds camps in the woods and climbs trees like the cheeky monkey he is and on the way home I always stop off and get us all a fish supper.

I enjoy them, they are quintessentially British and they've etched themselves into our Nations traditions.

Therefore they must be stopped by NuLabour in it's bid to erase all fun, enjoyment and traditions from the United Kingdom. The Government has them in their sights and as we all know (well the smokers among us anyways) they will be pursued without mercy and consigned to the bin of history.

This Weeks No Shit Batman Award...

Goes to Professor Bill von Hippel who has led a study that concludes - Men become hopeless show offs in front of attractive women.

Who'd have thunk it hey? I reckon that was money well spent on that study!


Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Best Actress Oscar In The Bag

With lip trembling and face overcome with wrought emotional pain as she speaks with reporters anti-smoking health facist Linda Buchanan must surely clutch this years best Actress award.

It is expected that in her acceptance speech she will thank ASH for their relentless assault on smokers, New Labour for their tireless campaigns to eradicate civil liberty and Claims Direct for their no-win no-fee policy which will give her a tidy sum in the bank as she comes to terms with her 'traumatic incident'

See the moment Linda shattered the hopes of The Hurt Locker & Avatar here.

Don't smoke em' if you've got em'

Ionel Rapisca, 33, has been found guilty of causing grievous bodily harm by shoving Linda Buchanan off a train platform at Farningham Road, Kent.

Jailing Rapisca, the judge told him:
"This was a very grave crime. You could easily have killed this victim.

As it is, her career is over and she has an enduring psychiatric illness."

So a woman gives a chap a hard time for smoking a ciggy even stating 'I don't like the smell of cancer' Having upset the smoker she gets shoved for being an annoying busybody health facist twat. He goes to prison.

What really boggles the mind however is the laughable 'enduring psychiatric illness' rubbish. Ms Buchanan has PTSD you see. That's right, her little tumble puts her (in her mind) in the same league as Troops watching their pals die in the Afghan. The judge even claims her 'career is over'

Well judge if she is a whinging, sponging, compo seeking Drama Queen you are probably right. Unlike the Toms in the Army who have a little bit more mettle about them and just simply want to crack on.

Quote Of The Day

"We have maintained a second to none commitment to our Armed Forces"

Harriet Harman

Harmans claim in her opening response to William Hague at PMQ's is in stark contrast to that given by the Special Forces soldier giving evidence in the enquiry over the death of Corporal Sarah Bryant.

The sole survivor of a devastating explosion - which claimed the British Army's first female fatality in Afghanistan - told an inquest the vehicle he and his fallen comrades were travelling in was "not adequate for the job".

SAS Trooper giving evidence

Shame on you New Labour, your Party is quite frankly a disgrace.

Midweek Amusement

Well... It made me laugh!

The Falklands & Mrs Clinton

Thanks for the offer Hilary but the dispute over the Falklands was settled in 1982

And pictures paint so many words...

Ajax Bay - Temporary British Graveyard 1982.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

NuLabour Reveal Economy Package

Gordon Brown informed a packed press conference that NuLabour intended to sell their assets on the old Kent road and buy some hotels that they would erect in Mayfair.

The Prime Minister also announced all Cabinet Members and Labour Peers would be receiving 'Get Out Of Jail Free' cards, but they would not be available to Pub Landlords who happen to smoke and believe in giving their customers freedom of choice.

This caused a storm of protest from the gathered journalists and Mr Brown was visibly relieved when Lord Mandelson informed him he had just won £25 in a beauty contest.

A Tory spokesman said of NuLabours plans 'We intend to push much harder at this - just as soon as we roll a six'

Police Realise Horse Has Bolted

Police Officers in Rugby, Warwickshire have stepped up patrols at a sheltered housing complex after Kath and Albert Adams, both 77, died when a fire spread from a mobility scooter to their home after an arson attack.

A Police spokesman said 'We've decided to take a break from harrasing photographers, smokers and bloggers and are going to wander around the old folks place for a bit'

'We expect to tut-tut quite a lot and might even get to nick some people who will no doubt ask us where the fuck we hide during the day/night. Although it might seem like we're a little bit late on this one, we firmly believe lightning can in fact strike twice, as we saw it happen on an episode of Mythbusters once'

A Government spokeslesbiandiversityimmigrant was quoted as saying 'We are led to believe that this is the first time Mr and Mrs Adams have been killed. So to be fair it doesn't happen a lot'

Rifleman Killed In Afghanistan 2nd March 2010

News just in that another Soldier has been killed in the Afghan. Rest in peace mate.

You've done your bit.

'Climategate' professor admits to withholding information

The professor at the centre of the 'climategate' row, has admitted sending 'some pretty awful' emails refusing to send information on to other scientists.

Prof Phil Jones claims scientists routinely withhold certain information from other scientists and it is 'standard practice'

I'm no scientist myself, but when I discover something I like to share that knowledge. Especially if the person I am sharing it with is sceptical about what I have discovered.

With something as potentially costly and life changing as 'Climate Change' I would put it to Prof Jones he had a duty to share every last piece of information. His claims of 'It's standard practice' remind me an awful lot of those MP's who claimed 'It was within the rules' regarding their expense claims.

Prof Jones and his colleagues predictions are already claiming lives The public deserve nothing less than complete honesty and transparency regarding climate change.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Muggers Ordered To Walk On Moon

Or perhaps they should have been ordered to hand over a gram of Pixie dust, or maybe they could find 2 buckets of rocking horse shit.

I know, they could have been told to give their victims a guided tour of Atlantis followed by a ride on the Millenium Falcon.

Because let's face it - This laughable order is about as likely to happen as any of the above.